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Most of us have suffered the agony and embarrassment of getting dumped in a one-way romance. We hate to admit that while we adored these people, they are just pretending to love us. The bogus love they put on display was nothing more than a pathological syndrome built of many misanthropic, narcissistic and dishonest games.

Don’t volunteer to be victimized by the delusional, romantic, oxytocin unconsciousness of the Bogus Love Syndrome. Pay precise, mindful attention to every little thing the pretender does and doesn’t do, what the pretender says and doesn’t say. Notice how the pretender’s behavior makes you think and feel. Pretenders get a sadistic dopamine rush when you swallow their bait. To avoid the agony and embarrassment of Bogus Love Syndrome, look for these behavioral sub-syndromes:

1. BACKDOOR MAN SYNDROME – The pretender never introduces you to friends or family. The excuse is everyone’s too busy, or out of town, or they have a cold. BS! The pretender is either embarrassed or ashamed of you for some reason they will never tell you.
2. BADMOUTHING LOVERS SYNDROME – Run for safety if your pretender ridicules former intimate partners. They project all the blame for past breakups on the other person, and they refuse to take any behavioral responsibility for their own actions.
3. SEX IS JUST SEX SYNDROME – You want to feel special, but you don’t when your pretender insists on telling you things you don’t want to hear about their various lovers. Pretenders can be abusively graphic and boastful to the point of making you sick. When the pretender talks about sex as if the other person was just an impersonal object, you know you’re the next to be devalued.
4. THEY MEANT NOTHING SYNDROME – Narcissistic pretenders actually feel insecure in relationships, so they use emotional cuf-offs to defend themselves against vulnerability. Pretenders tell you they wipe former lovers instantly out of their memory without a single care. They are lying, and the shame and guilt they feel about being unable to sustain a meaningful relationship is pathological. Can you trust a person who laughs at love like that?
5. RUBBER BALL SYNDROME – Because they are insecure, pretenders have to constantly be validated by a sexual relationship. They define themselves by their ability to hook up. They often get their next lover ready to go before dumping the current victim. Rubber ball pretenders repress sincere attachment emotions. They do not take time to process and heal from one relationship before they start another. The light’s on in a pretender’s house, but if you’re looking for love, you’ll find there’s nobody home.
6. ZERO PLAN SYNDROME – Your pretender resists long-term commitments. They will typically avoid finalizing timelines for cohabitation, relocation, engagement, marriage and parenting topics unless you provide them a steady supply of money, sex and lifestyle comforts. Even then, you have no security. The pretender considers you more of an object for personal conquest than a real and sensitive human being. You might as well throw your calendar in the trash.
7. IGNORE DUMP SYNDROME – This is the pretender’s most sadistic act. Since they have no emotional investment in you, they simply disappear when they’ve finished with you. They lack the courage to speak to you in person, so they send texts or emails. You get no explanation — nothing. Then you realize they act so casual about dumping you because they never cared in the first place.
8. EMO IMMATURITY SYNDROME – Pretenders are usually attractive and clever. Some even boast high IQ’s, but they have super-low EQ’s.  Emotional immaturity usually stems from unresolved traumas, character defects and defenses at the core of the pretender’s psyche. It’s not your job to play counselor.
9. POSER SYNDROME – Most pretenders are persuasive conversationalists who pose and brag about being a high quality person, which they are not. They seduce you with tales of their personal, professional and spiritual prowess. They trick you into trusting them with your mind, your body and maybe even your money and morals. You might call this antisocial behavior. When you push them to substantiate their bombast, you find out they’ve lied about their history, their knowledge and their feelings for you.

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU DISCOVER YOU’VE BEEN SUCKERED BY THE BOGUS LOVE SYNDROME…?
RUN!

Michael Hoffman – Proud BLS Survivor

Watch for the upcoming
Be Mindful of the Bogus Love Syndrome – Part 2 – Compassion For The Pretender

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