Japanese therapists have their own version of the 12-Step program’s rigorous moral inventory. It’s a three-step process called “naikan,” which means “inside looking” or “introspection.” Naikan is done at seven-day retreats and is a very intense process.
Quiet Exploration – Naikan requires you to use meditation to quiet your mind so you can explore your path in life. You answer three questions about your past so you can find peace with what has happened. The process clears your conscience, and frees you to live fully in the present.
Naikan counselors act as non-judgmental guides for your process. They listen carefully, but do not push or give too much advice. They give you space to explore and find meaning to your memories.
Focusing on Relationships in Time – You pick certain relationships to explore, like mother, father, siblings, partner, children or co-workers. Some naikan clients process their relationship to their jobs or their health. Then you break down chronological biography into blocks of time like childhood, adolescence, young adulthood, up to your present age.
The Three Questions – Naikan uses three questions to lead your self-examination:
1. What have I received from (person X)?
2. What have I given, what have I done for (same person)?
3. What troubles and difficulties have I caused (same person)?
Your answers create a holistic and honest view of your conduct. You start to understand how life is always about giving and taking behaviors.
Start with Mother – Look at your ages 0-6 relationship with your mother, and ask the three naikan questions?
1. What did mother do for me then? What did I receive?
2. What did I do for her then? What did I give her?
3. What troubles and difficulties have I cause her then?
You take up to two hours to think and journal. Then you will do a short interview with your Naikan guide. Then reflect on your ages six to 10 still on mother and do a second guide interview. Keep processing from 10 to 14 years, and go in blocks of four years until the time mother died. Repeat this process with your father. After parents, you can reflect on any other relationships you feel important, like siblings, partner, children and even co-workers
Emotional Gifts – Naikan participants say they feel richer, more relaxed and peaceful. Many are surprised and jubilant, because they have remembered many positive and supportive experiences repressed from active memory. Naikan makes you humble and grateful. It helps to see yourself and others more honestly and compassionately.
These are the core benefits of attending a naikan retreat:
- You get mindfulness training
- You finally make peace with your past
- You heal many of your deep emotional wounds
- You become more compassionate
- You become more considerate of others
- You see new positive relationship possibilities
- You develop trust in other people
- You take more responsibility for your actions
- You see the world realistically, not as a wishful fantasy
Go to a naikan retreat. It will get you out of your ego-centered universe. Naikan will empty out all your grief, resentment and sadness about the past and replace it with gratitude for what you do have.
Share this Post
About Michael Hoffman
